my first 52 weeks

On May 24, 2011, my husband and I became the proud parents of 3 beautiful kids, who entered our home and promptly set about turning our lives upside-down.  There is no end to the number of things that I have learned and continue to learn through the process, but here is what I wrote at the one-year mark, May 24, 2012.

52 THINGS I HAVE LEARNED IN 52 WEEKS OF BEING A MOM:

  1. The Bible is fascinating.  There is no book more interesting.
  2. Sleeping in is highly overrated.
  3. Kraft Dinner is a food group.
  4. If you cut wieners just the right way and boil them in water you can make them look like an octopus sitting in someone’s Kraft Dinner.
  5. Mr. Clean should get a ticket to Heaven for inventing the Magic Eraser.
  6. Silly Putty is from the Devil.
  7. Rubbing alcohol will remove Silly Putty that has gone through the dryer in someone’s pocket.
  8. Children will put anything in their pockets.
  9. Orange crayons in the dryer are a big sloppy mess of hopelessness.  Just learn to like wearing orange.
  10. I never really knew what yove was before.
  11. They tell you that when you adopt kids, you can’t expect that love will fix everything.  We have learned that when it comes to kids, love can fix anything.
  12. “If you are good in school you get to use the computer,” works way better than, “If you are bad in school you can’t use the computer.”
  13. There is something about bread crusts that is extremely repulsive to children which no one has ever been able to define.
  14. Never serve rice to a 4 year old on the same day that you cleaned the floor.
  15. Any veggie can be put in a food processor and then hidden in spaghetti sauce.
  16. Kids will eat fish if you allow them to assume it’s chicken that smells different.  Just excuse yourself from the table when asked for specifics.
  17. If you don’t like the way your 9-year-old daughter is acting, wait 5 minutes.
  18. You must intentionally put your children in the path of Jesus.
  19. You must intentionally put your children in the path of other kids who love Jesus.
  20. Always keep your head up when playing hockey with a 6 year old boy.
  21. Keep ice packs in the freezer for hockey games.
  22. The word, “Mom” can be stretched into a 3-syllable word when it is followed by a request.
  23. Go to every school assembly that allows parents in.  Someone will invariably check if you’re there.
  24. Never underestimate the power of a wave from the audience during a school performance.
  25. Bring tissues to every performance.
  26. Children attract other children.  Make sure you do a head count on days off from school in case there are extras.
  27. You can get a lot of free stuff if you have a cute little boy wearing glasses standing next to you.
  28. When children come into your life, you suddenly become aware of the pervasiveness of peanuts.
  29. Don’t get embarrassed if other moms see your kid having a tantrum.  Usually they are saying to themselves, “Phew, it’s not my kid this time.”
  30. When you buy new jeans for a little boy, immediately iron patches on the inside of the knees.
  31. It’s not enough to just pray for your children every day.  You must show them how to pray.  Jesus taught His kids to pray.
  32. Milk mixed with kids’ cereal which has been left in a bowl all day is the most powerful adhesive known to man. Just throw out the bowl to save time.
  33. It would be smart to buy shares in the company that makes Polysporin.
  34. The person who invented DVD players that go in vans should win the Nobel Peace Prize.
  35. I sound like my mother when I’m talking to kids.
  36. My mother was way smarter than I gave her credit for.
  37. I should have listened when my mother was teaching me to sew.
  38. When a 4 year old boy says to a 6 year old boy, “I have a good idea…” the phrase is rarely followed by a good idea.
  39. Children will not implode if you don’t have cable.
  40. Kids really don’t need to know the difference between a smoothie and a milkshake.
  41. Silliness and play are a child’s full-time job.
  42. Love, patience, consistency and follow-through work way better than a whack on the butt.
  43. It is important to force that scream on the inside to come out as a soft rebuke.
  44. When purchasing beds for little boys, it is helpful to stand on the headboard and launch yourself off.  This is not a test of durability.  Rather, it is a test of usefulness.
  45. If you install a ceiling fan in the bedroom of 2 little boys they will look up and see a mechanism for propulsion.
  46. Always go check what’s happening if things are quiet.
  47. Any long object can double as a hockey stick or sword, depending on which weapon is needed at the moment.
  48. Children attract dirt.  Dirt attracts children.  “Without oxen a stable stays clean.” Proverbs 14:4
  49. We must teach children that church is a second home full of love and acceptance, and we must be a part of making church that kind of place.
  50. It’s important to kiss Daddy in front of the kids, even if it makes them gag and roll their eyes.
  51. Show your kids that you love Jesus more than them, and that Jesus loves them more than you do.
  52. It doesn’t matter if your kids look like you.  The most important thing is that your kids look like Jesus.
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